Playing Favorites

Quick: name your parents’ favorite child. 
How about your high school teacher’s pet? 
Now who’s your boss’ favorite employee?

There’s a good chance that your co-workers are whom you interact with most and an even better chance that a few of them—maybe even your boss—will become close friends. And those relationships affect communication and confidence in the workplace, even if you’re not BFF with your boss.
Michael Hendron, assistant professor of organizational leadership and strategy at the Marriott School, was part of a team that recently published “Playing Favorites: The Influence of Leaders’ Inner Circle on Group Processes and Performance” in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, which analyzed these dynamics. 

Ethan Burris, the lead author, says it’s natural for supervisors to have a better relationship with some of their employees than others. Burris, an assistant professor of management at the University of Texas at Austin, believes that having a strong relationship with your boss can be one of the most important influences for your career. It can ultimately put you in the best position to propel your career, he says, because of your supervisor’s control over raises, assignments to attractive projects, or scheduling the most-desired shifts. 

And while office relationships don’t always spill into the friendship category, recognizing who has them, what their advantages are, and how to level the playing field can be the best way to ensure your voice is heard. 

Forming Friendships 

Whether you share a love for hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurants or an addiction to American Idol, office friendships, Hendron says, develop the same way other friendships do: “People find common interests, or common personality traits, that allow them to get along well with each other.”

These friendships can be particularly strong if there was a connection before the people became co-workers, especially in cases when an employee refers someone for a job.

Because of the forty hours each week spent together, it’s no wonder many people consider their co-workers some of their closest friends. “There are norms that certainly prevent romantic relationships from developing in the workplace, and those are there for good reasons,” Hendron says, “but friendships can still develop within the bounds of what’s OK and professional.” 

For Hendron’s part of the “Playing Favorites” research, he surveyed groups of supervisors and subordinates in the U.S. Forest Service—from rangers to helicopter pilots—and asked them how much they liked each other, if they had a social relationship with each other, and then had them rate who was most influential. The researchers, including Marriott School graduate Jim Oldroyd, an assistant professor at SKK Graduate School of Business, were able to match friends and evaluate how important they were to the organization’s success.

The result: people who were friends were more willing to speak up, more prone to share information, and labeled more successful than those who hadn’t formed close ties.

Feeling Psychologically Safe 

When people are comfortable enough to say something different from what is generally accepted, they are exhibiting psychological safety. It’s a trait employees typically have when they are friends with their supervisors and part of the in group. As a consequence, these subordinates have more of their ideas implemented and are viewed as more valuable.

“Friendship creates a greater sense of psychological safety,” Hendron says. “It is a result of a reinforcing process.” 

As the subordinate feels more comfort-able speaking up, Hendron continues, he will feel like he’s being listened to and will be more likely to engage. On the leader’s side, she is more likely to listen and to agree with the subordinate’s ideas if they are friends.

“If employees don’t feel safe in their work environment, there will be less innovation and improvement,” Burris says. “When people feel safe it opens the door for more honest conversations, and employees aren’t worried about ticking off a supervisor.”

But this security blanket can have a few negatives too. “The downside is that sometimes friends will sugarcoat or withhold things; they have something at stake beyond the working relationship,” Hendron says. “This is where it gets tricky.” 

Too much connectivity in a group could lead to everyone going along with the status quo. “It can lead to groupthink,” Hendron says. 

Or if everyone feels secure, leaders can be faced with a team throwing out ideas left and right. “It can be a delicate balance,” Burris warns. “Leaders at some point need to say, ‘We’ve heard your ideas and weighed the options. This is the direction we’re going to go, and we expect everyone to get on board.’” 

On the Outside Looking In 

So you’re obviously not part of the in group of your office—you don’t ski, you don’t have kids, and there’s no way you’re going to start watching films with subtitles in order to fit in. What do you do to ensure you’re not overlooked?

“Being on the outside raises the bar,” Hendron acknowledges. “You have to put more energy into your communication—be more persistent, be direct, and use clear reasoning and logic to win your supervisor over. It’s a choice the employee makes to speak up and be heard or to blend into the background.” 

Putting in the effort to be on the same page as your supervisor can also do wonders. “Every leader is going to look for different things in the people they lead,” Burris says. “It takes emotional intelligence to decipher what your boss wants out of you. Talk with him or her about what you can do to accomplish those expectations.”

Another strategy is building alliances and getting resources from other places so you can go around the boss—although that’s a riskier option. 

“You probably have friends elsewhere in the organization, so you don’t necessarily have to rely on your direct supervisor for all your resources,” Hendron says. “Many people now have cross-reporting relationships. If you are in a setting where you can develop relationships beyond just your direct boss, then you can use these to your advantage.” 

Or you can always stick to the adage: if you can’t fight ’em, join ’em. “If you build a friendship with the boss for a self-serving purpose, then that’s probably going to come across as a ploy,” Hendron points out. “You can’t fake friendship very well.”

Burris adds, “If your intentions are at the cost of hurting other people or the organization, that’s disingenuous. But if it’s to be respected and friendly, those behaviors aren’t bad. It depends on a person’s goals.”

Creating the Ideal Environment 

Let’s say you’re the boss. It’s easier for you to interact with Jared who’s responsive, funny, and also likes your favorite basketball team. Then there’s Janna who gets her work done but also spends a lot of time talking about her favorite band and picking at her split ends. 

How do you keep the playing field level and treat them fairly? 
Acknowledging the situation is the first step. Putting in extra effort is the second.

Burris suggests making a list of employees you want to connect with on a regular basis and soliciting their insights on certain issues. “You can say you have an open-door policy, but you should take a more active position of leadership,” he remarks. “Pull up a chair next to them, and make it easier for your employees to contribute their insights.”

Positive interactions, Hendron says, build a sense of trust and interpersonal rapport that will help people feel more comfortable approaching their boss. 
Burris mentions a credit union in Texas where the president taps his members for improvement ideas. He regularly invites four patrons out to lunch—the kicker is they each have to come with a suggestion to better the credit union. If they bring an idea, lunch is on him. If not, they pay. 

“If you’re trying to pick up the next game-changing idea, you don’t know where that’s going to come from,” Burris says. “Cast a wide net; talk with as many people as possible, and be an active solicitor.”

Seeking advice and information from all employees helps level the playing field—but there needs to be follow-up on the feedback solicited. “If a suggestion is not acted on, be sure to say, ‘That’s a great idea; let’s investigate the possibilities,’” Hendron says. “Don’t let people feel like they’re shot down.” 

At the End of the Day 

So maybe you aren’t the go-to guy for your boss. Or maybe you are the boss and feeling a little guilty. No matter the role you’re in, assess where you stand and what you’re going to do if you want to make some changes. 

And if you happen to be one of the employees who doesn’t really care, remember this: “Speaking up is discretionary. If it’s not part of your formal job requirements and you don’t care about improving the place, then keep your head down, collect your paycheck, and go home,” Burris laughs. 
Just don’t expect to be an influencer anytime soon.

What Co-Workers Think:

SOURCE: Randstad.com 

ARTICLE citation: Burris, Ethan R., Rodgers, Matthew S., Mannix, Elizabeth A., Hendron, Michael G., Oldroyd, James B.  “Playing Favorites: The Influence of Leaders’ Inner Circle on Group Processes and Performance,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Volume 35, Issue 9, Pages 1244–1257.

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Article written by Emily Smurthwaite
Illustrated by Wesley Bedrosian